I started with the idea: "i wanna write a haiku 'bout zombies", but I spilled and made a mess :p
I know its not great, but I enjoyed it :]
The whole world is silent,
save for the thump, and the moan
The whole world is quiet,
save for the creak, and the groan
The whole world is still,
save for the rumbles of legion
The whole world is safe,
save for each and every region
My world is dead,
and theirs, ever better
They'tre coming for us,
debt collecters after debters
We deserve it, I guess,
all the waste, and the hate
But I wanted to live,
so I wish they would wait
If someone should find me,
hopefully real dead and alone,
inscribe this,a memoir,
on Humanities Headstone
and P.S.
COMMENT! I hate it when you guys don't comment :/ I know its terribly hypocrytical, but i wanna know what you think of my stuff :[ even if its just "cool" or "that sucked". just do. bye.
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3 comments:
I like the repetition, and the emphasis on the daed, quiet world. Think about ditching the rhyme scheme though. The poem is very regimented, what with the rhyme scheme and (relatively) even meter, which takes a lot away from the sense of chaos and destrction that you could be building here, to kind of give the reader the sense of living in a post-zombieapocalyptic world. Even if you want to go for more of a bleak, hopeless tone, ditching the rhythm and rhyme would help signiy the absolute absence of civilization or society. Besides, you'll find that poems rarely rhyme unless you are writing a specific kind of poem (like a sonnet or a sestina or whatever) in which case, you are not regimented enough.
thanks :]
I don't usually rhyme, but it happened by accident the first time, and I liked the scheme, but even though it started to suck in the middle, I kept with it for continueities sake.
I'll try to post a de-rhymed, more rhythmic/prosey tommorow.
thanks for the feed back, and bein constructive with it. :]
i liked it a lot. Especially when i pictured something like that actually written on a physical headstone.
Great poem
cool
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