All Hallows

I pushed myself up the seemingly steep hill. The pain within my knees was almost nauseating, but I couldn't stop, I had to get away. Away from them, away from the pain they made me feel with just a look, or a lack of one. I couldn't bear to stand there anymore, completely ignored; I felt my heart would burst. So I went. The walk that normally takes me 15 meandering minutes takes me less than ten. I want to cry, and I sort of do, but the contacts I put in 20 something' hours ago seem to have dried out my eyes. I want to sob, to let my pain out, but I am surrounded by people, all pretending to be things they are not. I want to run, but I'm tied down, by my knees, and also my life. I want to just stop, but no one is there to stop me. I hate them, I hate all of them. Everyone around me, everyone that was around me, every one of them, liars, cruel and vengeful liars, and I hate them. I have the urge to kill them, to kill everyone. I'm so upset, so angry, I want to cut them each up into little pieces, starting at the toes. I want to do it fast enough, that they don't die, but slow enough that they hurt to the point of insanity. I want them all to suffer, they all need to suffer, they hurt me, all of them. Their words, their deeds, the thoughts I know they have, they hurt, and I hate them for it. The happy faces around me make everything worse. Why are they so happy? Why is it that they get to be so happy, when I'm not happy at all? Why do they have such luck, such bliss? Doesn't anyone care about me? Hell if I know. For some odd reason, I still want to encourage them, add fuel to their fire, so when I get home that's what I do. I prepare for the evening, as everyone else does, expecting at least a few to drop by. I sit outside, though it is rather chilly, I do it anyways especially for them. Armed with my goods and a fake smile, I'm ready within 5 minutes, but there is no point. There is no reason. My only motivation is the fact that there's nothing better to do. The fact that I'm here, all alone, and I just want someone to see me. No one comes. For quite a bit no one comes. Two of the neighbor kids drop by, and get what they want. I'm still disappointed. I should have known, I should have seen this coming. They drive by, car after car, not slowing down for a moment. No one walks by. It is as if they are all avoiding me. As if they think I carry some disease. Do I look that scary? Maybe. Time goes by slowly, I know it will be a long night. A young gentlemen stops by with his baby boy; he lives two apartments away. I tell him to take as much as he wants, but like the two before, he only takes a little. It's funny to me, that people will accept as much as you'll give, but when you tell them to take as much as they want, they're hesitant, and take very little. I can't decide if this is a good quality or bad. Him and his son leave after he makes a crack about no one stopping by here. The world is quiet. There is a nearby sound of cars constantly driving by on the highway, but apart from this, the occasional firecracker or scream, and a few crickets, the world is almost silent. There is nothing I can do to entertain myself, nothing I can do to forget the fact that I'm alone, and will be all night, in this empty house, and I can't even talk to anyone. An ominous looking van drives by and I hope all of the kids are holding a parent's hand. A moth flies around my head, and then around the porch light. It must be crazy; it flies at the light and then loops around it, and eventually hits the wall. After bouncing back, he regains his "composure" and repeats the act again with different amounts of speed and various sized loops, never touching the light. He doesn't give up. What is he trying to do in the first place, I wonder, but I have absolutely no idea. I lose interest quickly. My shoulders begin to get cold, and I put on my hoodie, though I'm hesitant at first, I realize that no one cares about what I'm wearing, no one will care if I cover it up. No one will even see. It is much warmer, but slightly uncomfortable, but I don't want to take off my dress. I've been out here for at least an hour. I'm done with this crap. I'm going to go inside and watch a movie. Screw this God Damned holiday, I'll eat all the candy myself. I hate Halloween.

*note from ben:
sorry, this was supposed to be posted on halloween night, but i'm an airhead and forgot about it :/